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The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them, by David Richo
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Why is it that despite our best efforts, many of us remain fundamentally unhappy and unfulfilled in our lives? In this provocative and inspiring audiobook, David Richo distills thirty years of experience as a therapist to explain the underlying roots of unhappiness―and the surprising secret to finding freedom and fulfillment.
There are certain facts of life that we cannot change―the unavoidable "givens" of human existence: (1) everything changes and ends, (2) things do not always go according to plan, (3) life is not always fair, (4) pain is a part of life, and (5) people are not loving and loyal all the time. Richo shows us that by dropping our deep-seated resistance to these givens, we can find liberation and discover the true richness that life has to offer. Blending Western psychology and Eastern spirituality, including practical exercises, Richo shows us how to open up to our lives―including to what is frightening, painful, or disappointing―and discover our greatest gifts.
- Sales Rank: #1341144 in Books
- Published on: 2015-02-17
- Formats: Audiobook, MP3 Audio, Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 6.75" h x .50" w x 5.25" l,
- Running time: 8 Hours
- Binding: MP3 CD
Review
"A lucid, thought-provoking, and illuminating book about the realities of human existence—a wonderfully useful guide to fluid acceptance of life as it is."—Martha Beck, author of Finding Your Own North Star and The Joy Diet "I started highlighting splendid passages in this book and my highlighter ran dry. The whole book is splendid."—Brother David Steindl-Rast Praise for previous books by David Richo "As useful a self-help book as one is likely to find."—Huston Smith, author of The World's Religions "Richo gently and compassionately coaches readers. His book will help those seeking personal transformation."— Publishers Weekly "Well-constructed and thought-provoking."— Spirituality and Health "Practical and uplifting."—Susan Piver, author of The Hard Questions for an Authentic Life
About the Author
David Richo, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist who leads popular workshops at the Esalen Institute and around the country. He is the author of several books, including How to Be an Adult and Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side. He lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California.
Most helpful customer reviews
192 of 200 people found the following review helpful.
Magnificent, spellbinding book on accepting the givens of life.
By Niel Rishoi
No one doesn't need this marvelous book. David Richo, in an extraordinary generosity of spirit, shares with us some truly illuminating insights of remarkably profound truths. It can't be overstated enough on how valuable his insights are. The key truths of life, the inevitabilities and vicissitudes of it, are dealt and tackled with unflinching directness, and with that, a great deal of compassion for the problems that can assail us all. And yet, he is conspicously lacking in false sentiment. Richo urges us, firmly, yet gently, to give up trying to exist in denial of the things we cannot change, and instead makes a compelling, and logic-based treatise on the idea of just simply embracing and accepting these inevitabilities. His 5 key truths are: 1. everything changes and ends, 2. things do not always go according to plan, 3. life is not always fair, 4. pain is part of life, and 5. people are not loving and loyal all the time.
So many of Richo's statements and exposition behind these points have such clarity, brilliance of scope, and an astonishing ring of truth behind them, that he makes it sound almost easy to commence in the process of acceptance. Moreover, Richo shows that the only way to evolve as a sentient being is to consciously work at a personal self-evolution, for it is, really, the key to moving from one stage of life to the next. That tantalizing but often elusive prospect can invlove a great deal of personal growth and fulfillment. So many of us get stuck in ruts, seemingly unaware and puzzled as to how life can pass us by, without any conscious realization as to the subtle, but inexorable changes that occur along the way. Richo, like a wise master and teacher, generously helps in the process of coming to terms with those changes, and makes us see the beauty of accepting them.
One of the more felicitous aspects of what's presented here is that Richo utilizes in his words a combination of modern Western psychology and ancient Eastern spiritual thought, with a dash of Jung thrown in. There are numerous wise and poetic quotes from Shakespeare to Shaw deftly incorporated throughout, and which vividly illustrate Richo's own eloquent phrases. The text is clear, easy to read (yet some sentences and phrases are so astonishingly meaningful that you have to stop and THINK), compact, unfussy, and peeled to the truth.
Needless to say, I heartily recommend this book; it has changed(or rather, ENHANCED greatly) the way I think.
89 of 90 people found the following review helpful.
Most People Learn These Lessons the Hard Way
By D. Buxman
This isn't a feel-good self help book. It is a realistic look at certain "givens" in life that must be addressed by anyone who wants to live a REAL life. Many people don't want to accept ideas like, "Life isn't always fair."
When I was younger, I didn't want to accept this type of thinking myself, but over time, I have learned that each of the 5 things the author mentions are true. I appreciated the candor with which the author delivered these truths and the solutions that were offered to help accept the positive and the negative aspects of existence. This is not a main stream, positive thinking piece, but I think it helped me to develop a more healthy attitude about the aspects of life that are difficult, if not impossible to change.
132 of 138 people found the following review helpful.
The 5 things we cannot change
By Jim Estill
1. Everything changes - nothing last forever.
Everything ends, every beginning is the start of an end. Relationships end, people die. Seasons turn, things change. Get used to it. Learn to let go gracefully, change and grow yourself.
2. Things do not always go according to plan
The best laid plans often go astray. No plan survives contact with reality. Adapt, improvise, flex, adjust your sails, innovate. Things turn out best for those who make the best of how things turn out. Plans are useless but planning is invaluable.
3. Life is not always fair
Some serious wrongs cry out to be righted but many more are best dealt with by moving on and not getting ensnared in a negative energy cycle.
4. Pain is part of life
There is a cost to everything and suffering may be part of that cost. Pain is not necessarily punishment and pleasure is not necessarily a reward. Pain can be a source of tremendous personal growth. But there is no need to seek out pain to speed your growth. Life will send you your proper measure!
5. People are not loving and loyal all the time
We are social, gregarious creatures. We depend on each other. But people are human and inevitably let us down. Our work as healthy adults is to feel this fear of betrayal and abandonment and deal with it, embrace it, learn from it, grow beyond it, NOT run from the fear. Running only strengthens fear.
FACE:
F--Fear: I am afraid I cannot survive if I am not loved, and this is how I am a source of suffering to myself.
A--Attachment: I am attached to a very specific version of how things should be, of what life owes me, and this is how I am a source of suffering to myself.
C--Control: I feel the need to control others' reactions to me and interactions with me, and this is how I am a source of suffering to myself.
E--Entitlement: I believe I am entitled to love and loyalty from everyone, and this is how I am a source of suffering to myself.
Solution: Acknowledging and accepting, moving beyond what you can't change to the inner work of what you can change: Yourself.
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